WILL ASTHMA BE MY KRYPTONITE?

Friday went back to the Dr, she wanted to check up on me and see how I'd done overnight on the blue inhaler, well to be honest as soon as I took it I felt a hell of a lot better, she listened to my chest again, and from what I told her, concluded that yes I do have asthma, but she will not label me as asthmatic yet. She has to figure out whether it is just a one off temporary reaction to something or a permanent condition before she is willing to do so.

The plan is to have a month, on two asthma pumps a blue one which is a reliever of symptoms and a brown one which is a preventer of symptoms, I have to take the blue one at least four times a day, more if I need be and the brown one no more than twice a day. I go back in a months time and then a decision will be made as to weather I am stuck with it or not. Funny enough she seems to think that my level of fitness may have succeeded in hiding the syptoms for a while, I just keep thinking, what if I had ignored my syptoms and ran the half marathon last Sunday! Glad I stuck to the rule, you can run if the cold is in your head, but if it's in your chest have a rest.

Here I am in my thirties, having never suffered from anything more than a broken arm when I was 12 years old, and it seems as if I'm suffering from asthma, after visiting the DR on Thursday I was just relieved that I could breathe properly, I can't lie on that morning I was pretty scared, coughing to the point of throwing up, and really struggling to breathe, bad enough to think maybe I should make my way down to Accident and Emergency, but I sat on the panic, called the boyfriend as he had borrowed the car, he drove back, took me to the DR's, so once I had a name for what was going on and some medication it was pure relief.

Two days later, and I can't lie I am a bit miffed and even a little afraid, how the hell does someone like me get asthma, I don't drink, and bar a lapse for a few weeks, about 4 years ago I have not smoked for at least 8 years. I work out 5 times a week, I even ran a ten miler the week before last with no ill affects. I have run consistently for two and a half years, I'm fitter than I have been in the longest time, and had just started to push weights to get the cut look that I have always coveted. Yes I'm a bit heavier than I should be, but bar that I'm in good health.

When I was younger kids with asthma also had hay fever, were never allowed to take part in sports, and usually looked pretty weedy and pasty not a great image to have in my mind. I'm feeling a little fragile, wondering if I can keep running as I have been, the DR seems to think I can, but to be honest she did not give me a lot of info, and a lot of people have been telling me what a devastating impact asthma has had on their lives, and that they have not been able to do this, and they have not been able to do that, and that I will not be able to exercise or run as much as I have been, telling me it's time to take it easy, easy, easy, I'm in my thrities not seventies!

I have also been active, the kid who could go on and on, who you wouldn't give sweets or coke, as it may keep me going even longer, the dancer who never had to take a break and would do a routine again and again and again, the runner, who may not be terribly fast, but will keep going until the task ahead is accomplished.

My natural strength and physicality without realising it has been a part of my identity, 5ft 8 inches, athlectic frame, naturally muscular, stronger than the average woman\girl, do I now have to redefine myself, will I have to take an asthma pump with me whenever I run, will I be embarrassed to use it, will I be able to continue to run long distances, will I ever run a marathon again, who is this new woman with asthma?

What about children and pregnancy, something I would like to try for in the future, and if I am so blessed, how will asthma effect that? Questions, questions, questions. Deep down I believe I will be able to deal with this, but for the time being I'm trying to get my head around it all and deal with the scary stories, some seem to be delighting in telling me, obviously people don't know me well, kryptonite has not been able to destroy Superman and asthma will not destroy Zupakat, but for now I'm just going to hide under my cape for a little longer as it makes a wonderful blanket and continue to recover.